Near Death

I'm so bothered by this I have to write about it.  I almost killed our 11 month old today and man...it's eating me up!  We live on the 2nd story and the railing outside our apartment is too far apart.  Today I was watching 2 other kiddos and we were headed out to the playground.  They all headed down the stairs with me holding the babe, but then one kid decided the cement was too hot and needed some shoes.  Well, a 5 & 3 year old were already outside.  I decided to leave the door open to "supervise" at a distance with my ears more or less.  Well, the 5 year old was unable to get his shoes on himself and they were hard to get on!  A couple seconds it felt like and I turned and my baby was holding on with two hands on either side of the rail and poking her head and shoulders through.  I leapt out and grabbed her pulling her back through and man...does that make my heart skip a couple beats as the imagery of her falling through is haunting me even though it didn't happen!  There's just cement below and it would have been a death sentence.  I feel so awful.  God seriously was watching out for her today.  Our day could have been so different.  So grateful to be moving here soon!  No more apartments with railing spaced too far apart for us.  No more having our entry on the 2nd story!  No more cement stairs either!  The list goes on on things I won't miss in these apartments.  Gah...it can't happen soon enough this move!